Feeling Stuck in Your Relationship? How to Reconnect and Move Forward in Marriage
Feeling stuck in your relationship can leave you frustrated, disconnected, and unsure of how to move forward. As a marriage and family therapist, I’ve seen many couples who still love each other deeply but feel trapped in patterns that don’t change. The good news? You are not alone—and with self-awareness, kindness, and intentional communication, it is possible to reconnect and create a healthier, stronger relationship
Is Your Relationship Stuck?
"Is this it? Is this all there is? Where do we go from here?"
Many couples reach a point where their relationship feels stuck. No matter what they try, things don’t seem to improve.
Maybe you’ve:
Tried advice from social media or books.
Asked friends for guidance.
This “impasse” can happen at any stage—whether you’re newly married or decades in. Different communication styles, parenting approaches, conflict patterns, or major life changes (illness, caregiving, finances) can all create a gridlock that feels impossible to break.
Signs That Your Relationship May Be Stuck
You argue about the same things without resolution.
You’re coexisting but not truly connecting.
Physical and emotional intimacy has declined.
You feel misunderstood or unheard.
Major stressors feel harder to handle together.
Why Many Couples Stay Stuck
When a relationship hits a rough patch, couples often react in one of two unhelpful ways:
Forcing a Solution
This looks like intense arguments or harsh words. Pushing too hard often creates more damage than healing.
Avoiding the Issue
Some withdraw, hoping problems will disappear on their own. But avoiding emotions builds resentment and distances partners further.
Neither of these approaches creates lasting change. The key to getting unstuck starts with looking inward and addressing the root of the issue.
The Power of Self-Awareness: How to “Hold On to Yourself”
Psychologist Dr. David Schnarch describes “holding on to yourself” as the ability to stay grounded in who you are while connecting deeply with others.
We all long for two things:
Autonomy – control over our own lives.
Attachment – connection and closeness with others.
Struggles come when we lean too far toward one extreme:
Feeling trapped or controlled, losing a sense of self.
Feeling anxious about abandonment, constantly seeking reassurance
To “hold on to yourself,” Dr. Schnarch highlights four key skills:
1. Know Who You Are
You have a strong sense of identity. You can make decisions without being pressured or defined by others.
2. Calm Yourself
You manage emotions and steady your anxiety, especially during conflict.
3. Stay Nonreactive
Instead of reacting quickly, you pause, reflect, and respond kindly, even under stress.
4. Tolerate Discomfort
Growth often requires pushing through hard moments when it is uncomfortable. Resilience builds deeper connection, personal strength and growth.
Choosing Kindness in Your Relationship
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to move past a standstill is choosing kindness.
Kindness doesn’t mean being passive. It means intentionally using words and actions that build trust, healing, and connection.
Even Scripture encourages kindness—even toward enemies (Romans 12:20–21; Proverbs 25:21–22). How much more should we extend it to the ones we love most?
No matter your partner’s response, choosing kindness offers the unconditional love every person longs for.
What If Your Partner Doesn’t Respond?
A common fear is: “What if I change, but my partner doesn’t?”
Here’s what matters most:
✔️ You’re choosing growth for the health of your relationship, not instant rewards.
✔️ Transformation takes time. As one person shifts, the relationship dynamic shifts too.
✔️ You control your actions, not your partner’s. Your role isn’t to “fix” them—it’s to trust God to work in them.
Many couples discover that when one person consistently shows up differently, the other eventually follows.
The Role of Communication in Moving Forward
When relationships feel stuck, communication often breaks down—both in what’s said and in how it’s said.
By holding on to yourself, you create a safe space for honest conversations without fear.
Language becomes a bridge:
It fosters connection.
It deepens understanding.
It strengthens relationships.
Working Together Instead of Against Each Other
When you’re stuck, it’s easy to see your partner as the problem. But the real challenge is the issue, not each other.
Try shifting from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”
That looks like:
Looking for win–win solutions.
Committing to patience and teamwork.
Seeing conflict as something to navigate together.
Healthy relationships aren’t conflict-free—they’re built by learning to face struggles as a team.
Getting Unstuck Takes Time—But Small Steps Create Big Change
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But with intention and patience, progress is possible.
Focus on small, consistent steps:
✔️ Practicing self-awareness
✔️ Choosing kindness
✔️ Communicating with calmness and empathy
✔️ Facing challenges as opportunities to grow
Remember: one act of love, one honest conversation, one moment of patience at a time can shift your relationship.
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" – Galatians 5:22–23
Final Thoughts
Feeling stuck in a relationship can be painful, but it doesn’t mean things are hopeless. The way forward begins with small, intentional choices—like growing in self-awareness, choosing kindness even when it’s hard, and practicing open, calm communication. When partners shift from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem,” they create space for trust, healing, and deeper connection.
Progress doesn’t happen overnight, but steady steps—one conversation, one act of kindness, one moment of patience—can transform a relationship. By holding on to yourself, extending grace, and working together, you and your partner can move forward and build a stronger, more loving bond.
Updated Sept 2025
Paraclete Counseling Center is conveniently located in Suwanee, GA, and offers both online and in-person therapy to clients in Suwanee, Johns Creek, Duluth, Alpharetta, Cumming, Buford, Norcross, Lawrenceville, Roswell, Peachtree Corners, Dacula, and the surrounding areas. We are proud to offer Christian counseling to individuals, couples, and families looking for faith-based support in their therapeutic journey. Whether you're dealing with mental health concerns, relationship challenges, or desiring personal growth, we are here to walk with you through whatever you're going through. Reach out today to schedule a session with us!
